12 Bright Sides of Loneliness

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Beautiful Words from thefickleheartbeat.

The Fickle Heartbeat

12 Bright Sides of Loneliness

A beautiful feature post by Single Strides.

“I am a lover without a lover.  I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.” – Warsan Shire

Happiness sometimes hits you the moment you’re driving somewhere, completely alone. The sun will be sitting against the horizon while lighting the world you call your present. The windows will be down and you feel the breeze against your skin – it reminds you that you’re alive.

Just the right song comes on the radio. You find yourself moving to the music and living against the words. You’re blooming in the moment of independence and you feel every bit of yourself growing more comfortable within your skin.

In these moments, I’m always reminded of the happiness that sits at the bottom of my heart. Sometimes it’s weighed down by heartbreak, by regret, by doubt, or anything that doesn’t feed the beats…

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Night fall

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The night falls but I remain awake, my body has adjusted to that of a night owl.

I need to make the change and get it back to the daily grind.

9 to 5 to get things done.

Money to survive, food to eat, places to go.

You need to escape the recesses of your head, that’s what they keep telling me.

The night falls again and again, but my eye lids won’t.

Is there another way to hold back the new day?

Hidden out of sight

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Someday’s I just want to stay hidden under a cloud of sheets and pillows. Locked away where no one can find me. Closed off and alone, the isolation is easier to bear than the outside world.

Anxiety eats away at my confidence, it eats away at my strength and my character. Each morning on the surface I float, step outside or spend another day hidden away? Every day I feel the push and pull.

Only I can break the cycle. Take that step and leave my bed or spend another countless day watching it pass by.

Out of sight out of mind.

 

Epiphany?

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I had an epiphany, it happened as I laid in bed fighting to fall asleep. How did it take so long?

I knew it all along, yet it only hit home in that one moment. That wasn’t the first time it had crossed my mind, I fought against it for years. I placed it under the bed, I buried it outside, I threw it out and did all I could to discredit its existence. 

Why was it so hard for me to accept? Why did it take me so long?

It wasn’t an epiphany, it was my path to move forward.

I lie to keep myself safe

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I side step your question, I lie to keep myself safe, anything to seem normal and not out of place.

The gap between my thoughts and words, I choose them selectively.

To paint a picture of a stable mind and be as they all seem.

 

It tires me to hold the fort, to keep it all behind a wall, so sometimes if you look close enough, you will see the holes begin to form. The struggle is never ending, I need to keep you out.

Yet my heart and soul yearns for an arm to pull me out.