Can I have it?


The happy ending.
The one I want.
The path I’m on, can it support my need?

The future happiness.
The end goal.
I live for tomorrow, I lose out on today.

Can I find a middle ground?
The end I want and the joy for right now?

Can I have it?


Stop the noise


I left the house as did he, walking in the same direction two steps behind.

The same every day, in sync we moved, not a step out of place.


Like a whirling dance, or a march of death.

You could say the mornings were silent. But the noises flooded my head.

The breathing, heavy and constant. The footsteps on the gravel. The voices in my head.

Stop the noise for one second. I need to clear my head.




I had an epiphany, it happened as I laid in bed fighting to fall asleep. How did it take so long?

I knew it all along, yet it only hit home in that one moment. That wasn’t the first time it had crossed my mind, I fought against it for years. I placed it under the bed, I buried it outside, I threw it out and did all I could to discredit its existence. 

Why was it so hard for me to accept? Why did it take me so long?

It wasn’t an epiphany, it was my path to move forward.

I lie to keep myself safe


I side step your question, I lie to keep myself safe, anything to seem normal and not out of place.

The gap between my thoughts and words, I choose them selectively.

To paint a picture of a stable mind and be as they all seem.


It tires me to hold the fort, to keep it all behind a wall, so sometimes if you look close enough, you will see the holes begin to form. The struggle is never ending, I need to keep you out.

Yet my heart and soul yearns for an arm to pull me out.