12 Bright Sides of Loneliness

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Beautiful Words from thefickleheartbeat.

The Fickle Heartbeat

12 Bright Sides of Loneliness

A beautiful feature post by Single Strides.

“I am a lover without a lover.  I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.” – Warsan Shire

Happiness sometimes hits you the moment you’re driving somewhere, completely alone. The sun will be sitting against the horizon while lighting the world you call your present. The windows will be down and you feel the breeze against your skin – it reminds you that you’re alive.

Just the right song comes on the radio. You find yourself moving to the music and living against the words. You’re blooming in the moment of independence and you feel every bit of yourself growing more comfortable within your skin.

In these moments, I’m always reminded of the happiness that sits at the bottom of my heart. Sometimes it’s weighed down by heartbreak, by regret, by doubt, or anything that doesn’t feed the beats…

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Begin Again

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This movie has hit me hard, it was beyond my expectations.

The vulnerability of the artistic soul, redemption, love, passion, hurt and joy.

It reached through and pulled at my heart and soul.

My heart is still bleeding, it was more beautiful than I could have imagined, it reminds me of the simplicity of life. Hope for the future. Life is worth treasuring.

Lost Stars

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Please, don’t see
Just a boy caught up in dreams
And fantasies

Please, see me
Reaching out for someone
I can’t see

Take my hand
Let’s see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans
Sometimes are just a one night stand

I’ll be damned
Cupid’s demanding back it’s arrow
So let’s get drunk on our tears

And God, tell us the reason
Youth is wasted on the young
It’s hunting season
And the lambs are on the run

Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

Who are we?
Just a speck of dust
Within the galaxy?

Woe, is me
If we’re not careful
Turns into reality

But don’t you dare
Let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page
Maybe we’ll find a brand new ending
Where we’re dancing in our tears

And God, tell us the reason
Youth is wasted on the young
It’s hunting season
And the lambs are on the run

We’re searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying
But just the same

And God, give us the reason
Youth is wasted on the young
It’s hunting season
And this lamb is on the run

Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying

But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

But are we all lost stars
Trying to light up the dark

Songwriters
Brisebois, Danielle / Alexander, Gregg / Lashley, Nick / Southwood, Nick

Published by
Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing

One moment (part 2)

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In the tranquility I no longer needed to reign in my emotions, I let down my guard and I felt exposed.
The pure joy and bliss I felt was simply washed away with the dread that imponded and pushed its way through my head.
“This isnt real”, “you dont deserve this”, “your heart should still be broken”…

Contorting away from him my body created a shield, trying to hold my grief away. Pressed up against his shoulder and the back seat the tears flowed uncontrollably. I couldnt speak. I couldnt reply. His questions radiated through my body and yet I couldnt let out a single word. Broken and afraid.
He was stunned, hurt that I couldn’t break down the wall and speak of how I felt. the world was crashing in on us and I could do nothing to prevent it. When life is breaking you down, do you hide away and wait for it to pass? Or do you reach out a hand asking for help?
I long for someone to reach out a hand to me. Though I have learnt to pick myself up.
It is safe to say that moment is permanently fixed in my memory. All the feelings still play out from time to time when I reminisce on that night. It was wonderful and yet tarnished by that one moment. One heart beat and it can all change.

One moment

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In the backseat of the car I laid my head on his lap and fell to a light slumber. I felt safe. Comfort and an inner peace. Dreams of a distant future played through my head, I no longer felt restless. A calm breeze ran through my body from my spine to my limbs. Curled up in a ball I laid. Listening to his heart, his breathing fell into sync with mine. A pure feeling of belonging and an under current of bliss was in the air.
I dont know how long we were there, wrapped up in each other, limbs intertwined. His intoxicating cologne and my musk and spiced perfume. We were addicted to each others smell. Openly we knew it. No words were needed, we held onto that embrace. The world closed off around us.
That moment was bliss.
No words were needed.
The world was quiet, if for only a moment more.

Night fall

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The night falls but I remain awake, my body has adjusted to that of a night owl.

I need to make the change and get it back to the daily grind.

9 to 5 to get things done.

Money to survive, food to eat, places to go.

You need to escape the recesses of your head, that’s what they keep telling me.

The night falls again and again, but my eye lids won’t.

Is there another way to hold back the new day?

Hidden out of sight

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Someday’s I just want to stay hidden under a cloud of sheets and pillows. Locked away where no one can find me. Closed off and alone, the isolation is easier to bear than the outside world.

Anxiety eats away at my confidence, it eats away at my strength and my character. Each morning on the surface I float, step outside or spend another day hidden away? Every day I feel the push and pull.

Only I can break the cycle. Take that step and leave my bed or spend another countless day watching it pass by.

Out of sight out of mind.